How to Support Someone Through Pregnancy Loss
This week's episode on The Squeeze shares a very personal story from Emily Miller about her ectopic pregnancy. The loss of a pregnancy is an incredibly painful (and often lonely) experience, and those who have gone through it need all the love and support they can get. If you have a loved one also going through pregnancy loss, you may feel unsure of what to do or what to say.
Whether it's a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or simply a comforting hug, there are many ways to help someone through this difficult journey. While nothing can take away the pain of their loss, we’ve rounded up a few tips to help you be there for them:
1. Follow their lead.
Some people want to talk about their miscarriage and others don’t. Whatever your loved one wants to do, make sure you follow their lead and let them know you're there for them when they're ready. You could say - “If you want to talk, let me know." or " If you want me to come over and watch a movie with you instead, let me know.”
2. Don’t minimize their loss.
Whatever you do, don’t minimize the loss of the pregnancy. It doesn’t matter if the miscarriage happened at four weeks—it is still a loss. Don’t use “at least” statements like, “at least it happened early.” This will make your loved one feel unsupported and misunderstood.
3. Make sure you say something.
You might not know the perfect thing to say to your friend who just experienced a miscarriage and that’s okay. The important thing is that you reach out and let them know you’re there for them. You don’t have to know exactly what to say—just say something.
4. Don’t ask when they’re going to try again.
Never ask someone who suffered a pregnancy loss about their plans to have children or if/when they plan to try again. Remember, they're grieving now. Plus, the decision about when and how to grow a family is a personal one. If they want to let you know their plans, they will.
5. Show your support with actions.
It’s one thing to tell your friend you’re there for them, but it’s also important to show your support with actions. If you ask what you can do, they may not have an answer. Instead, offer to help with something specific—or just go ahead and do it! Examples are bringing over dinner, picking up their groceries, if they have another child offering to do school pickup, helping with house cleaning, etc.
6. Remember to continue checking in.
Even as time goes on, your loved one may still feel the pain of their loss. There's not a hard-and-fast timeline for grief. Make sure you check in with as the months go by.
7. Share your story.
If you’ve experienced a pregnancy loss, you might consider sharing your story with your friend. It can be helpful for them to know you understand what they're going through.
We hope these tips will help you be there for a loved one going through pregnancy loss. Listen to our episode with Emily here, and if your loved one or yourself is in need of some helpful resources, we’ve linked several below:
Resources and Support Groups for Pregnancy Loss:
Podcasts Related to Pregnancy Loss:
